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Connection with the collective X narcissism, a device for winning the game: cooperation

Accepting the other person's imperfection is man's most valuable internal dispute with the person next to him!
Perfect integration with your community and closest people
Seamless integration with your community and loved ones

How my eyes saw the soul of another and inside me

The learning activity in the law class began. The teacher said: to answer this question, you need to know about the writ of summons. Is there anyone here who doesn’t know how? I was the only one who raised my hand. And, to my surprise, the teacher changed the focus of the activity, starting to explain it to everyone, as if they didn’t know about it. Afterwards, some of my classmates also turned to me for tips on the subject, and the activity moved on to its conclusion.

What an inclusive teacher, huh? What supportive colleagues… The situation could have been different, like a show of narcissistic exhibitionism by the teacher, with emotional insensitivity, where everyone competes to show who knows the most and who is the best, but the scenario was different. They accepted my imperfection.

“We are angels with only one wing who need another to fly”

In my profession, I’ve seen several toxic approaches from teachers who have publicly shamed their students, in the utmost disrespect, without realizing that they were doing bullying and paralyzing trajectories, because some students felt so traumatized that they couldn’t enter the classroom for fear of being ridiculed again. These are wounded teachers who haven’t worked through their traumas, feel frustrated and have an unconscious need to belittle others in order to feel important.

In the book The Return and the Suit, by Rubem Alves (2013), the author talks about the myth of narcissus, “the tragedy of the man who fell in love with his image”, and also about the Evil Queen in the tale of Snow White, who said: “Mirror, mirror, is there anyone in the world more beautiful than me?” In other words, unfortunately some people lock themselves away in their personal castles, in their fantasy world, and come to believe that the world revolves around them. They are drunk on themselves, enclosed and closed off from those around them.

Alves also added that in the Holy Scriptures God created the human being as an image of himself, which means that we are heirs to his potential, his creativity and his goodness. He also quoted a phrase by Fernando Pessoa: “since I can’t be a work of art in my body, let me be a work of art in my soul”. In other words, he talks about the importance of looking after our inner home, not just our physical appearance. According to the above-mentioned author, we are always in search of looks, in search of mirrors, and we also break mirrors…

Some people are so enchanted by their image that they become indifferent to their fellow man…

They are those who selfishly only look out for themselves. However, it’s important to remember to pay attention to the needs of those who walk beside us, to be interested in helping them, to help them feel included, to break the poison of self-centeredness, and to become a cooperator for social well-being.

The feelings of narcissism, pride, haughtiness, arrogance, authoritarianism, spite, petulance, intolerance, among others, were studied by Cristiane Lenzi and Mariana Beira (2012). On page 147, they recount a reflection by Divaldo Franco in which he draws attention to Psalm 37:16:

“The little that the righteous have is worth more than the riches of the wicked”

“Today you walked past my door, my friend, looked into the house and went on…” The text of the aforementioned reflective narration goes on to tell the story of someone who had reserved her feelings of friendship for one person, and saw her enter another place. A place rich in material things, but empty of love, understanding, kindness, and she says that this person with whom she intended to have friendship will possibly be disappointed, because it is a friendship based on material interest, and she will awaken to a disturbing reality, which is to be next to a person who has no ethical values. However, she adds: “The door to my house will always be open, even if it’s empty of furniture and carpets, but it will be full of light and peace when you need someone who really appreciates you.” Perhaps then, only after the visit of disappointment, will you understand the value of true friendship…

Law school isn’t just about learning about the application of justice

Bringing the value reported to the academic reality, it can be seen that some students aim to finish their degree with financial gain as their target. They are unaware of the importance of contributing to the good of humanity, and also of building bonds of friendship with people. Law school is not just about learning about the application of justice, but mainly about becoming fairer and more fraternal people. If we see aggression, revenge, hatred, dissimulation, dishonesty and lies in our clients on a daily basis, why should we repeat a dysfunctional and destructive pattern?

To truly show yourself as you are, to honor your authenticity, your roots, to say I don’t know, to stop worrying about impressing others by pretending to be what you’re not, all of this is a path to be learned. In psychology, impostor syndrome exists in various nuances. In some cases, it’s when a person appears to be what they’re not, and then there’s the fear of being found out…

Creating connections with others is all about assuming our vulnerabilities, and that’s not weakness, it’s humanity. Do you know anyone who doesn’t feel afraid? They’re probably from another planet… Even so, there are those who exaggerate their perfectionism so much that they somatize the tensions in their body and become terrified of making mistakes, because they put too much pressure on themselves.

Why worry so much about how others perceive you? Are they going to pay your bills? Remember that dinner with friends, when you were dying to order a pizza, but you cancelled yourself out, kept quiet and ordered another dish to please others. That was disappointing, wasn’t it? And the worst thing is that when you got home and went to bed, you were transported to the restaurant to eat the pizza and woke up with the taste of it in your mouth…

Learning from connections, and from rejections…

In the classroom, I also felt looks of criticism from a distance, as if to say: How can she not know how to write a petition? These are people who have experienced a lot of shame, humiliation, destructive situations and unconsciously still do to others what their aggressors did to them: devastating criticism. They haven’t yet learned to support others.

However, it is gratifying to choose not to be a slave to those who have hurt you, but not everyone succeeds. Some have been rejected and do the same to others. However, there are those who have been mistreated, feel the pain and say to themselves: I won’t repeat this violence with others. These are the ones who know the value they have and don’t give anyone the power to judge them. In this sense, it’s important to work on your hurts, the offenses and humiliations you’ve received, which can form an unresolved inferiority complex, causing you to blindly go around stepping on others, wanting to diminish them, because you feel inferior.

Social vulnerability: commitment to those most in need

When it comes to social vulnerability, there’s a lot to talk about, and unemployment is one of them. So how about giving a helping hand to that friend who has lost his job? Remind them of their abilities, tell them that this phase will pass, to stay firm and not give up on their goal and to keep trying, because good luck helps those who try hard. Help your friend so that he doesn’t stop doing something for fear that it won’t work out and that he’ll fail. Suggest to them that we are here to learn from our defeats, failures, mistakes, to correct ourselves, to overcome, to change and to grow as human beings.

Letdown guard

A friend of ours decided to stop making so many excuses to go with us to the coffee shop by saying honestly: I’m not going with you because I don’t have any money. Then she told us: what a relief to see the look of understanding on your faces… Facing the truth hurts, but it leaves us with our feet on the ground. Sometimes, in order to let our guard down, we need to learn about flexibility and giving in.

Narcissistic personality disorder – Casule Health & Wellbeing

Cooperation x Friendship Social Skill

Our heart’s desire is to have friends, to create bonds that launch us into eternity. It is in this vibe that we will conclude this article with a tribute to friendship written by Rubem Alves: “I remembered him and I missed him… It’s been so long since we’ve seen each other! I realized, with unusual intensity, what a rare thing friendship is. And yet it’s the most joyful thing life gives us. The beauty of poetry, music, nature, the delights of good food and drink lose their taste and become a little sad when we don’t have a friend to share them with. I really think that everything we do in life can be summed up in this: The search for a friend, a fight against loneliness!”

So here’s the tip: take care of yourself, take care of and cooperate with others, take care of our planet, because we’re here to meet and reconnect with friends…

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Picture of Suenia Medeiros Gomes

Suenia Medeiros Gomes

Doutora em Ciências da Religião pela Universidade Católica de Pernambuco. Mestre em Psicologia pelo UniCEUB. Possui Especialização em Desenvolvimento Sustentável e Direito Ambiental pela UNB, e Especialização em Saúde do Idoso pela Universidade Estácio de Sá. É licenciada em Psicologia pela Universidade Federal da Paraíba e graduada em Psicologia pelo CEUB. Servidora Pública do Governo do Distrito Federal, na função de Gestora em Políticas Públicas e Gestão Governamental - Especialidade - Psicologia.

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